Passing On A Legacy
by agent-mac
Summary: UPDATED A tragedy rocks the NCIS team to the core. It will take a lot for all of them to get through it, but not all of them will recover and more than one legacy will be passed on. Set during season 2. CHAPTER 5 ADDED
1. Chapter 1

**Passing On A Legacy**

Rating: T

Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to DPB and CBS.

Summary: A tragedy rocks the NCIS team to the core. It will take a lot for all of them to get through it, but not all of them will and more than one legacy will be passed on.

This fic is set around the cast in season two.

Thanks to Annie, Loz and Mel for their support for this fic. It has been incredibly difficult to write. I hope you enjoy it.

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**Part 1**

Gibbs leant back against the door of his car in the hospital car park and stared blankly at the cell phone in his hand. He knew he had to make this phone call, but he honestly didn't know what to say. Thousands of different emotions were running through his mind and he was struggling to keep his composure. Instead, he focused on getting the team together at headquarters and breaking the news to them there. It wasn't the first time he'd contacted them at such an early hour, but it was the first time it wasn't about a case. This time, it was personal and it was going to change everything they'd come to accept as 'normal'. Taking a deep breath, he pressed '2' on his speed dial and slowly brought the phone up to his ear.

Tony groaned in frustration as the ringing of his cell phone woke him up from a peaceful night's sleep. He ignored the annoying sound and rolled over in bed to snuggle up closer to his wife. "Answer it," was the response his wife gave him, along with a sharp elbow to his ribs. Tony lifted his head off the pillow and squinted at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was 0500.

He rolled back over and reached for his cell, knowing full well who was on the other end of the call. The only other person who contacted him at this hour was Gibbs and it was always to tell him to get out of bed and get to work because they 'had a case.'

"DiNozzo," Tony answered sleepily.

"I need you and Kate at headquarters." Tony groaned loudly.

"Boss, this is our first day off in two weeks." Kate rolled over and snuggled up to Tony and let her eyes flutter open lazily. If Gibbs was calling them into work, then she was going to enjoy her last few moments of rest.

Gibbs sighed loudly on his end of the phone. "It's not a case, DiNozzo." Tony tilted his head and looked down at his wife with a confused expression on his face.

"If it's not a case, why do you need us at headquarters?"

"I'm not in the mood to argue with you, DiNozzo," Gibbs barked. His voice was so loud that even Kate heard it. She frowned in confusion.

"Alright, we won't be long. We'll just have to find a sitter for Zoe and then we'll come in." Kate sat herself up and stretched her arms before sliding herself out of bed. Just as she pulled the covers back, Tony's hand on her arm stopped her.

She turned around to see his face wrinkled with confusion as he listened intently to what his boss was saying. "You can bring Zoe with you. It's not a case. It's personal. Now get a move on," Gibbs said as he ended the call. Tony pulled the cell away from his ear and stared at it blankly.

"What's going on?" Kate asked.

"I don't know," Tony replied. "Gibbs wants us at work."

"But it's our day off," Kate complained.

"He said it wasn't a case. He said it was personal." He tried as hard to keep the feeling of concern out of his voice, but his attempt was unsuccessful.

"I'll try and find a sitter for Zoe," Kate said, "and you can get her things together."

"No need for that, Kate," Tony replied as he got out of bed, "Gibbs said to bring her with us."

"What?" Kate asked, her eyebrows arching in surprise. Tony merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Come on," he said, "let's get moving. Gibbs sounded pretty weird."

"Weirder than normal?" Kate joked. Tony stood still for a moment and looked thoughtfully at Kate.

"He sounded sad," Tony said quietly.

"I'm worried," Kate whispered.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Tony replied, smiling at her reassuringly. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Kate walked out of their room and crept lightly down the hallway to their daughter's bedroom.

The door creaked as it opened and Kate walked quietly over to where their daughter lay in her crib. She bent down and scooped her up gently and began whispering in her ear. "Hey baby-girl," she said, "we're going to take you to work." Zoe stirred in her arms but continued sleeping. Kate looked down at her daughter and rocked her gently. She was getting bigger now, and had grown a considerable amount in the past few months. Kate kissed Zoe lightly on the head and walked out of the nursery and back to her bedroom.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and cradled her eight-month-old daughter in her arms until Tony returned, dressed casually, from the bathroom. "Can you take her while I have a shower?" Kate said softly.

"Sure," Tony replied. He walked over to Kate and he gently lifted his daughter from her arms. "Morning beautiful," he said as his and Kate's arms brushed together. Kate smiled at him and he leant down and pressed his lips to hers for a quick kiss.

She stood up from the bed and made her way into the bathroom to have a quick shower and throw on some clothes.

Barely forty-five minutes later, Kate and Tony were on the way to NCIS Headquarters to see Gibbs. Zoe hadn't woken yet, despite being passed from parent to parent and then placed in her baby seat in the car. She turned in her seat and looked at her daughter's sleeping form and then looked at Tony. "Something is wrong, isn't it?" Kate asked quietly. Tony kept his left hand on the steering wheel, and with his right hand, he reached out and linked hands with Kate.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Tony replied just as quiet. He'd said the same words he'd said to Kate just before she went and had a shower because he honestly didn't know what else to say. Kate sighed and let her head rest on the back of the seat. Neither of them were sure what was happening, but they both had a feeling that something wasn't quite right. Gibbs had never told them to bring Zoe with them to work before, much less had he ever called them into work when there wasn't a case.

Tony had his hand on Kate's lower back as they made their way into the bullpen and Kate carried Zoe in her arms. She was wrapped tightly in a blanket because the morning air was quite chilly. Her little pink beanie was pulled down firmly over her head to keep her warm.

"What's going on, boss?" Tony asked as they approached Gibbs at his desk. The bullpen was deserted; the only light was coming from the small lamp on Gibbs' desk or from the street lights outside. Gibbs looked up slowly and met Tony's eyes.

Tony's heart began to beat wildly when he saw the distraught look on his boss' face and he pulled Kate closer to him. "I'll wait for McGee, Abby and Jimmy," Gibbs said in a tone so quiet, he was barely audible.

"What about Ducky?" Tony questioned. "Don't we need to wait for him, too?" At the mention of their Medical Examiner, Gibbs turned his head away quickly and sank lower in his chair.

"Gibbs?" Kate said in an attempt to get a response. When he didn't look up at her, she knew something was definitely wrong.

"Boss?" Tony asked hopefully. Slowly, Gibbs turned his head and looked up again at his two best field agents. Gibbs bit on his lip in an attempt to keep control of his emotions and explain the situation to them.

"Ducky had a heart attack," he said softly. Kate gasped in shock and looked to her husband for support. Tony pulled her even closer to him and gripped onto her hip tightly. "He didn't make it."

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Ok… that's it for chapter one… I promise its going to get better. It's not going to be a 'ship' fic, either. Of course, the ships are there, but this fic is going to focus on what happens to the team with what has happened… please review. I'd really like your thoughts on it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Passing On A Legacy**

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this next chapter written and posted. It's just been so hard to write because it's a bit emotionally draining, but I managed to do it. Thank you for everyone who reviewed that first chapter.

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**Part 2**

"No," Kate said, stepping away from Tony. "No, Gibbs, not Ducky." She looked directly into her boss' blue eyes hoping that this was all some sick sort of joke and held Zoe just that little bit closer to her. When Gibbs shook his head sorrowfully, Kate realised he wasn't joking. She turned around and looked at Tony who just stood there, motionless.

"Boss, you're not kidding are you?" He whispered.

Gibbs shifted his eyes to Tony and let him see the truth behind his words. "I'm sorry," Gibbs whispered embarrassingly.

"No," Kate said again, shaking her head in disbelief. "No." Tony stepped up to her and pulled her and Zoe into his arms. Kate buried her head into her husband's shoulder and cried loudly. Tony, too, let some of his own tears fall. He rubbed one hand in soothing circles on Kate's back and let her express her sorrow.

Gibbs sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his weary face. It had just gone six thirty in the morning and he hadn't slept a wink. He'd been down in his basement working on his boat when the phone rang just after midnight. It was a nurse from the local hospital. Since he was listed as Ducky's next of kin, they'd contacted him as soon as they could.

When he'd arrived at the hospital, a doctor took him aside and explained that Ducky had had a heart attack at home earlier in the evening and his neighbour had called the paramedics. "Unfortunately, Mr. Gibbs," the doctor said sadly, "Dr. Mallard was dead when they arrived and there was nothing they could do."

Gibbs sank into a hospital chair and rested his head in his hands. He couldn't believe it. Ducky, his friend, his mentor, had died without so much as goodbye.

Gibbs had been the one who identified the body, too, and he'd made arrangements with the hospital to have Ducky's body collected in the morning once funeral arrangements had been made. It all seemed so surreal for Gibbs. He felt like he was having an out-of-body experience and was sure that when he next walked into autopsy, Ducky would be standing over a body, talking non-stop about how that particular bullet hole reminded him of his days in London.

Gibbs shook his head and looked at the distraught family in front of him. Kate and Tony were both crying and little Zoe began to squirm in Kate's arms. Tony released Kate from his arms and kissed her lightly.

"When?" Tony asked quietly.

"The hospital called me at midnight," Gibbs replied.

Tony gently guided Kate over to her desk so that she could sit down. He knelt down in front of her and rested his hands lightly on her thighs. "I can't believe he's gone," she whispered. Tony reached out and brushed her tears away with his thumb.

"Me neither," he replied. At that moment, Zoe began whimpering in Kate's arms, so Kate shifted her slightly and began rocking her gently.

"Shh, baby," Kate whispered to Zoe, "Mommy's here. Shhh."

Tony stood up and perched himself on Kate's desk. He looked over at Gibbs and saw him shuffling papers unnecessarily. He was about to go over and talk to the man who held the doctor in high regard when the elevator doors opened revealing a very tired looking McGee and a nervous Abby.

"What's up, Boss-man?" she asked cautiously as she entered the eery bullpen. She looked over to Tony and Kate and noticed the distraught looks on their faces then she saw the sad look on Gibbs' face and knew that whatever had happened was not a good thing. "Gibbs?" she asked, her face full of worry. McGee stood behind her, their position mirroring that of Tony and Kate's when they'd arrived in the bullpen, minus the baby of course.

He looked at her sadly and stood up from his chair. Slowly, moved around his desk and stood in front of the one person who admired Ducky more than anyone. Wordlessly, Gibbs reached out and pulled Abby into his arms and held her tightly.

"I'm sorry, Abbs," he whispered in her ear. Abby pulled away from Gibbs and looked at him, confused. "He's dead," he said softly.

"Dead?" Abby's eyes widened. "Who?"

Gibbs took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Ducky."

"No, Gibbs, no," Abby said, disbelieving the words that had just come out of her boss' mouth.

"I'm so sorry, Abbs," he said again.

"You're lying, Gibbs. You have to be lying. Ducky just wouldn't die." Abby practically yelled, distraught at the news. McGee reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. Abby turned around slowly and launched herself into McGee's arms and sobbed loudly into his shoulder.

Upon seeing Abby crying, Kate began sobbing again so Tony took Zoe from her and continued to rock her gently. Kate stood up and wrapped her arms around Tony and let her cries be muffled in his jacket.

Gibbs stood stoically in the middle of the bullpen and watched helplessly as his team let go of their emotions and grieved for the man who had meant so much to them all. It was at that moment that young Jimmy Palmer entered the bullpen. "Special Agent Gibbs," he said nervously as he looked around the bullpen, confused at the sight before him.

Gibbs turned his head and looked directly at Jimmy. "Ducky passed away last night," Gibbs said plainly to the young aspiring Medical Examiner.

"Doctor M-Mallard, sir?" Jimmy questioned, not believing what he'd just heard. In the six years he'd been at NCIS, he'd learnt to always double check everything.

"You know anyone else called Ducky, Jimmy?" Gibbs said harshly. His eyes bore into Jimmy's and when he saw the younger man's eyes fill with tears, Gibbs took a step back and walked briskly out of the bullpen and into the awaiting elevator.

Jimmy, however, stood alone in the middle of the bullpen. "How?" he stammered to no-one in particular.

Tony twisted his head and spoke softly, "heart attack, Palmer." Abby pulled out of McGee's arms and walked over to Kate's desk. Sensing her friend standing close by, Kate stood up and immediately wrapped her arms around the young lab rat and together they cried in each other's arms.

The three men's eyes focused on the usually-strong women and watched as they gripped tightly onto each other. Tony looked down at his daughter and sighed. Zoe stirred again and began whimpering quietly. He stood up from where he was sitting on Kate's desk and walked over to the windows. He rocked calmly on his feet from left to right to sooth Zoe.

As the sun rose up over the nation's capital, Tony silently paid tribute to the man who had helped him figure out what he wanted in life. He could still hear Kate and Abby sobbing in the background and knew that none of their lives would ever be the same again.

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Ok, that is all I have written so far. Please review- I'm going to need all the help I can get to write the next few chapters. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Passing On A Legacy**

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You have no idea how much those reviews meant to me. This fic is getting harder and harder to write, but I hope you are still enjoying it...

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**Part 3**

"I'm sorry to hear about the death of Doctor Mallard," Director Morrow said when Gibbs joined him in his office later that morning. Gibbs nodded his head in acknowledgment and the director continued. "He was a great asset to NCIS. His scope of knowledge was far greater than any other person I have ever worked with."

"He was the best," Gibbs said plainly. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he stared blankly at the wall behind Morrow's head.

"I understand you and Doctor Mallard were close friends,"

"Sir, I worked with Ducky for over fifteen years."

"That's not what I meant, Jethro," Morrow replied. "It's hard losing a colleague, but it's even harder when it's a friend." Gibbs nodded his head solemly. "You're making the funeral arrangements?"

"I am, sir," Gibbs stated.

Morrow sat down behind his desk and took out a manila folder. "These are leave forms. I'm placing your team on compassionate leave until they feel ready to return to work."

"I don't really think that is necessary, Director," Gibbs retorted.

"Jethro, I saw your team when I came in this morning. They're going to need some time to get over this."

Gibbs bit down on his lip and shoved his hands further into his pockets. The Director was right.

"Yes, sir," Gibbs said, the defeated tone evident in his voice. It was all going to change now. NCIS would never be the same again no matter how long it took them to return to work. Ducky would never be there to tell them a 'short' story of a similar case. Although his words of wisdom were often completely unrelated to the case, it always provided them with a different perspective when things got tough.

"Is that all, sir?" Gibbs asked, wanting to leave the confines of the Director's office and join his team in the bullpen. Although Gibbs was never one for socializing much, he had a strange desire to be with the people whom he trusted with his life.

Morrow nodded his head solemnly and dismissed Gibbs. Slowly, Gibbs made his way out of the office and down the steps. He paused on the landing and looked down at his team in the bullpen.

McGee was sitting at his desk, staring blankly at his screen and Abby sat desolately in his lap, staring into space. Kate and Tony were still standing in front of the windows, baby Zoë still in Tony's arms. What caught his eye, however, was the lonely figure standing in the middle of the bullpen. Jimmy Palmer hovered near Gibbs' desk, wrought with grief. He could see him openly crying and doing nothing to wipe the tears away.

Gibbs continued down the stairs and made his way to his desk. Tony turned his head and saw his boss sit down, sighing heavily. Nudging Kate to get her attention, he turned and slowly walked over to his superior's desk with Kate following close behind.

Gibbs looked at Kate and Tony and then flicked his eyes to Jimmy who was still standing alone, blocking out the rest of the office. Tony followed Gibbs' eyes and let them rest on his autopsy gremlin. Turning to Kate, he placed Zoë in her arms before taking the few steps over to Jimmy. He placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Palmer," Tony said softly.

"He taught me everything I know," Jimmy replied, lifting his face to meet Tony.

"He taught us all a lot of things," Tony replied, "some of which we never really needed to know." His comment earned small smile from Jimmy and he had to chuckle himself. There were so many things Ducky had taught him in his years at NCIS. Tony squeezed Palmer's shoulder in support and then turned back to his wife, placing one arm around her waist and kissing her temple.

"The Director has placed us all on leave," Gibbs said after a moment, breaking the silence that had descended upon them. McGee's head snapped up and he looked at Gibbs. "It's effective immediately. I'll contact you all with details of the funeral."

Kate and Tony looked at each other, stunned. "Boss?" Tony questioned.

"It's not up for negotiation, DiNozzo," Gibbs stated. Tony nodded his head and looked over at Abby and McGee. McGee had pushed Abby to her feet and he stood up behind her. They both sought some form of permission from Gibbs before they began slowly walking out of the bullpen. Tony and Kate followed closely behind, with Tony gently coaxing Jimmy out with them. They all ignored the sympathetic looks from other NCIS agents as they filed into the elevator.

Gibbs sat there and watched his team leave. Wordlessly, he stood up and made his way to the stairwell and step-by-step, went down to autopsy. The doors swished open and Gibbs entered the cold, dimly lit room. He walked over to one of the chairs in the corner of the room and wearily sat down. At that moment, Gibbs had never felt more alone or dejected in his life. Ducky had been like a father to him, and now that he was gone, Gibbs wondered what he had left in life. With no wife or children to his name, he was now on his own. The only thing he had left was his team and his boat.

His team, he thought, was the strongest and most effective team at NCIS. Ducky was a part of that team- a major part- Gibbs recognized, and now he wasn't sure what was going to happen. In many ways, Ducky was the glue that held them all together. Under his instruction, Ducky had given Kate and Tony 'marriage counselling' before they were even together and at the time, Gibbs couldn't thank the older man enough. Gibbs couldn't even begin to count the number of times Ducky had imparted some of his wisdom onto him when he was obsessed with a case or if one of his ex-wives was giving him hell. Now, Gibbs didn't know who he would be able to turn to.

Down stairs in the NCIS car park, Kate placed Zoë into her carrier and strapped her in, ready for the ride home. "Did you want to come back to our place and you know… talk?" Tony suggested to McGee, Abby and Jimmy.

Abby looked to McGee for his thoughts and he nodded in acceptance. "Sure," Abby said solemnly.

"Jimmy?" Tony asked.

"Um, ah, no thank you, ah, Agent DiNozzo, I am just going to go home, I think," Jimmy stuttered.

"You sure, Jimmy?" Kate asked softly, moving around to the other side of the car. "You're most welcome to come back to our place."

Jimmy looked at Kate sadly and nodded his head. "We can give you a lift if you'd like," Tony added. Tony tilted his head in the direction of their car. "Hop in."

Wordlessly, Jimmy climbed into the backseat of Kate and Tony's sedan and waited for them to leave.

Kate and Tony watched as McGee supported Abby into their car and then they turned to face each other. Kate spoke in a soft voice so that only turn would be able to hear her. "It's all going to be different now, isn't it?"

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That's all I have managed to write for now... I'm sorry it's such a short chapter, but I hope you liked it. Please review. I'd love to hear you thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Tony made coffee for everyone whilst Kate tended to feeding Zoë. She looked at the time and noted that it was barely even nine o'clock in the morning but they all felt that they'd been up for hours.

McGee and Abby settled into one of the couches and Jimmy sat in the single couch across from them. Tony came in a few minutes later carrying a tray of coffees for them all. He took a seat at the other end of the sofa to Abby and McGee and waited for Kate to come back from Zoë's bedroom with their daughter.

Kate finished feeding her daughter and sat Zoë on her lap. Zoë looked up at her mom and stretched out her arms, reaching for Kate's face. Kate changed her grip and lifted Zoë so that her head rested on Kate's shoulder. It was all too much for Kate and she broke down in tears again as she remembered how much she owed Ducky. He'd been the one person in her life who, before she began seeing Tony, gave her the guidance she needed. In many ways, he was like her grandfather, but the bond she had with Ducky was so much more.

She tightened her grip on Zoë and let the tears fall freely down her cheeks. She rocked back and forth on the beautiful antique rocking chair she was sitting on, a present from Ducky no less.

Tony took a sip from his mug and set it back on the table. He was numb. His whole body was numb. He looked around the room and noticed that Kate still hadn't returned with Zoë. "I'm just going to check on Kate and Zoë," Tony said to no one in particular as he stood up and made his way out to his daughter's room.

His heart shattered into hundreds of pieces at the sight before him. Kate was clutching on to Zoë, crying openly. He walked over to the rocking chair and took Zoë out of Kate's arms and set her into her crib before moving to stand in front of his wife. "Come here, sweetheart," he whispered softly to Kate. Without hesitating, Kate stood up and wrapped her arms around her husband and continued to cry.

Tony embraced Kate and ran his hands up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her. Her hands gripped this shirt at the back, clinging onto him as if she needed him to breathe. They stayed that way for several minutes until Kate had managed to compose herself, but just as she finally stopped her tears, Zoë began crying in her crib. Kate sighed and began to move around Tony to pick her up. "I'll get her," he said in a hushed tone. "You go and freshen up and then come and join us in the lounge if you feel up to it." He kissed her lightly on the forehead before bending down to pick up his daughter.

"Hey baby," he whispered. "It's ok, Zoë, Daddy's here now." He rocked her gently until her cries subsided. Cradling her gently in his arms, he carried her back out to the lounge room where McGee was consoling a distraught Abby, and Jimmy was sitting alone on the other sofa with his still-full coffee cup in his hands.

Tony sat back down and leant back into the couch. He looked down at his daughter and smiled at her as she lay content in his protective hold.

"Where's Kate?" McGee asked when he noticed that Kate was the only one missing.

"She'll be out in a second," Tony replied. "She ok?" he asked, gesturing to Abby. McGee nodded his head, knowing it was just grief and that they all needed time to grieve the death of a man who meant so much to them all.

Kate entered the lounge room a few minutes later looking composed and relatively refreshed. She sat in the space between Tony and McGee and snuggled up to Tony and her daughter.

"He was a good man," Tony said breaking the silence.

"Yeah, he was," McGee replied. They seemed to lapse into a comfortable silence after that as they all lost themselves in thought. Abby had stopped crying and was wiping her eyes with her hands, trying to wipe away the mascara smudges.

Jimmy seemed oblivious to it all. He continued to sit on the couch and stare into the centre of his coffee mug. He seemed to be taking the sudden death of Ducky particularly hard. Of course, he was the one who worked with Ducky all day, every day, but he'd now lost his mentor. He'd lost his father figure at work and he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to perform another autopsy again. Over the past few years, Jimmy had been given more and more autopsies to perform on his own. At least every second autopsy was being given to Jimmy to perform under the watchful eye of Ducky, who imparted his wisdom to the aspiring medical examiner.

Kate snuggled further into Tony's side and reached a hand out to Zoë, who took it in her small hands and held on tightly. Kate let her head rest on her husband's shoulder and spoke softly. "Do you want to give Gibbs a call?" she suggested. "Just to check if he's ok."

Tony turned his head and looked down at Kate. "Sure, but I'll need you to take Princess for me. My cell's in my pocket." Kate pried her hand from Zoe's grasp and took her from Tony's arms as he fished out his cell from his pants. He pressed '2' on his speed dial for Gibbs and he answered after four rings.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Boss, it's Tony."

"What do you want, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped.

Tony rolled his eyes at such a typical response, but continued speaking, albeit hesitantly. "I just wanted to see how you were," he said, cringing at how pathetic his words sounded.

"I'm fine, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied curtly.

Not phased by the shortness of his responses, Tony spoke again. "Well, we're all at our house, if you, ah, wanted to join us."

Gibbs sighed. "I think I might just work on the boat for a while, DiNozzo," Gibbs said sadly.

"If you're sure, Boss," Tony said.

"I'm sure."

"Well, we're all here, so if you feel like dropping round, you know where we live," Tony added before he heard the click of Gibbs closing the call.

Gibbs threw his cell phone onto the bench in his basement and picked up his sander. He turned back to his boat and ran his hand down one of the smooth sides. "Let's get you finish, eh?"

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I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but this fic is really hard to write, and I have a feeling it's only going to get harder. Any words of encouragement would be welcome... Thanks... 


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Gibbs stood alone in his basement and looked at the empty frame of his boat, the only thing he felt he had left which he could call his 'own'. Ducky had often chastised him about building it in his basement, with the Medical Examiner often launching into a tirade of stories about overcoming the impossible and where he'd seen something similar.

Running a shaky hand through his hair, Gibbs picked up the sander on the bench and clenched his hand around it tightly. Co-incidentally, it was the same sander that Ducky had given to him for his birthday the previous year. Gibbs turned on his heel and walked over to his tool bench and put the sander down gently. He didn't want to use that one anymore; it felt like his only link to the man who had helped him move forward in life. Sighing, he turned back around and leant back on the bench, folding his arms across his chest. Gibbs stood there, staring at his boat for hours. He wanted to finish her, he really did, but at the moment, he couldn't function.

"Boss?" Tony called from the top of the stairs, bring Gibbs out of his pensive state. He turned his head and looked up at his Senior Field Agent, who stood in the doorway. Tony took a few steps in and Gibbs could see that Kate was behind him, Zoë in her arms.

"DiNozzo, Kate," Gibbs greeted them quietly. He pushed himself off the bench and moved slowly over to the stairs. Tony came down a step and Kate moved out on to the landing.

"We came to see if you were okay, Gibbs," Kate said. Her voice was soft and quiet and all of them were able to hear the sadness behind her words.

Gibbs merely shrugged his shoulders and made his way slowly up the stairs, not making eye contact with either of his agents. As he stepped up to the landing, he reached out for Zoë and although somewhat confused, Kate placed her daughter in his arms. Gibbs looked down at the eight-month-old in his arms and smiled briefly before moving out into the main part of the house.

Kate and Tony shared a worried look before following their Boss through to his kitchen area.

"Have you had lunch, Gibbs?" Kate asked as she sat down at his kitchen table. Gibbs looked up from Zoë, perplexed at the question.

"Lunch?"

"Yeah, boss, it's just gone 1300," Tony said as he moved over to Gibbs' coffee maker and switching it on.

"Nah," Gibbs replied softly. He bounced Zoë gently up and down on his thighs and looked directly at Kate. "Haven't even had coffee," he managed to admit. Whilst both Kate and Tony had cried throughout the course of the morning over Ducky's death, neither of them realised just how hard Gibbs had taken the news. He seemed to be almost disassociated from them all, trying to bottle up all of his emotions, but not having the strength to do so. His eyes were bloodshot and it was obvious to Kate that he had been crying.

Tony and Kate looked at each other briefly then shifted their focus back to Gibbs and their daughter. Neither of them could think of anything to say to their grief-stricken boss. They could see how hard he was trying to hide his emotions, and wondered if he was going to be strong enough to let them see him cry.

Gibbs tickled Zoë lightly under her arms and continued to bounce her up and down. Zoë was smiling gleefully, seemingly unaware of the emotional turmoil her parents and their boss were experiencing. Her smile radiated off her face and Gibbs' couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. "She's beautiful, Kate," Gibbs said, breaking the silence that engulfed the room. Kate wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion, unsure of the reason behind his statement. It wasn't as if this was the first time Gibbs had seen Zoë. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Gibbs had spent a significant amount of time with Zoë when she was first born, and since then, he had often babysat for Kate and Tony so that they could have time to themselves.

Kate stood up and stood by Gibbs side. "I know," she whispered. "And if it wasn't for Ducky, I don't think she'd be here." Kate reached forward and ran her fingers through Zoë's messy light brown hair. Tony moved over to Kate and Gibbs and put his hands on Kate's shoulders, massaging them lightly.

"I think you would have sorted things out," Gibbs said softly. "At your wedding, Ducky said that love isn't something we expect it to be, and that we will all discover it in the end." Kate stood up and leant back into Tony, who slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"He helped us find it, though," Tony added.

"Ducky helped us find a lot of things," Gibbs whispered. He had stopped bouncing Zoë now, and she was just looking up at him. "Hell, he was like a father to me." Tony tightened his grip on Kate; that small admission from Gibbs was just the tip of the iceberg. "I don't know what I would have done without him."

Zoë whimpered slightly, so Gibbs re-adjusted his position and pulled Zoë up against him, her head resting on his shoulder. He cradled her tightly up against his hardened chest so that he could feel her breathing. He looked down at her again and tried to find strength in her tiny, innocent figure. She settled almost immediately and Kate and Tony went back to how they had been before: Tony standing by the coffee machine and Kate sitting at the table.

Kate leant forward, placed her head in her hands and began sobbing for what seemed the hundredth time that day. Tony was immediately by his wife's side and wrapped his arms around her. Whilst she welcomed the contact, she struggled to find comfort in his strong embrace and let her cries become louder.

"Kate, don't," Gibbs practically reprimanded, glaring at the pair. While Tony and Kate were shocked by the harshness and insensitivity in his voice, their pain bound them to Gibbs and the guilt he felt ripping through his heart.

The bond between mother and daughter is indescribably strong and Zoë seemed to sense her mother's pain and began crying herself. Gibbs stood up and reluctantly placed Zoë in Tony's arms. He watched on almost helplessly as Tony tried to soothe his daughter and his wife.

While he would never, ever admit it, Gibbs was painfully jealous of Tony and the family he had. It seemed that the younger agent, his protégé, had everything that Gibbs' had ever wanted: a family. Ducky had almost had almost gotten him to say it one day, several months ago when Kate was still on maternity leave and Tony calling home every five minutes to get an update on his little girl. He was annoyed that Tony wasn't doing work and he vented his frustration in autopsy. Gibbs was close to admitting that he wanted what Tony had when his cell rung, interrupting him, his train of thought and the moment, now seemingly lost forever.

Gibbs stood in the middle of his kitchen and clenched his fists by his sides. Every memory he had seemed to involve Ducky. Without him realizing, the medical examiner had somehow weaved himself into Gibbs' life. Gibbs held the doctor in high regard. Ducky was not only his mentor in a professional capacity, but he was also his friend- a father figure, almost.

He ran a weary hand over his face and moved over to the coffee machine. He slowly poured the three coffees before taking his cup in hand and moving out of the room without so much as saying a word to the other occupants.

By now, Kate had managed to regain her composure and she furiously wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her sweater. "Are any of her toys in the diaper bag?" Tony asked Kate when he noted that both Kate and Zoë had calmed down.

Kate nodded her head silently and grabbed both cups of coffee off the bench and motioned for Tony to follow her. She made her way through Gibbs' house and found her boss sitting on his couch staring blankly at the wall. She set the two coffees down on the coffee table and walked back to the entrance to grab Zoe's diaper bag. Tony sat down on the floor on the other side of the table and put Zoe down in front of him. She could sit up on her own now so she sat in front her father and stared up at him in awe.

Kate knelt down a few moments later and rattled a small teddy in front of her daughter. Zoe smiled gleefully and clapped her hands in excitement. Zoe reached up and grasped the pink teddy bear and pulled it down from Kate. "There you go, Sweetie," she said as she stood up. "Gibbs," she said softly as she sat down next to him on the couch. Kate placed her hand lightly on his shoulder and he turned slowly to look at her.

"I…" Gibbs began quietly, "I…" he tried again, but was simply unable to form any other words. He wanted to say how much Ducky meant to him, how much he affected his life, how much of a friend he was, and how much he was going to miss him, but he couldn't. Gibbs was a Marine and Marines didn't show emotion like that.

Gibbs had lost men in combat before, but he'd never been this affected by it. He saw Kate looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish his sentence, so he broke the eye contact ashamedly and looked over to where Tony was sitting on the floor playing with Zoë.

"We'll help you organize the funeral if you'd like, Gibbs," Kate said. "You don't have to do it all on your own. We're family."

Tony looked over at Kate, who still had not taken her eyes off of Gibbs and watched as she managed to capture Gibbs' eye contact again. When he looked back at her, Kate's heart shattered into a million pieces. She'd never in her life seen Gibbs so emotional. The heartbreak that was evident in his eyes re-opened the wounds she thought she'd just managed to close.

His voice was barely audible, but both Kate and Tony heard it. "Please," Gibbs managed to say. It was at that moment, upon hearing 'that word' from their Boss' lips that they knew just how deep Gibbs' grief ran.


End file.
